yay thinking!

broad topic for today... well... my next few posts are going to be about some deeper things... mainly just how to fuel the soul. so right now i want to talk about
spiritual completion: how it pertains to intra- and interpersonal relationships.
(i promise that this isn't a term paper.)

someone and i were having a wonderful conversation about our respective needs in our respective relationships with our respective partners, and it got me to thinking about how i have been maintaining relationships with people in my life right now. my life is changing. my views are changing. even the basic fabric of my core values are changing, as i feel like they're finally becoming my own. when i worked at old navy, i had a pretty good conversational relationship with one of my managers, and he said to me "your values, morals, and overall belief structure will change at least twice before you truly understand who you are", and it is quite true. i don't think that my overall belief structure has changed a whole hell of a lot, but it has. and some of the things that i valued the most when i was 17 don't matter as much now as they did then. but i digress... with these changes come new found responsibilities, and i feel as though i my soul reaches fulfillment in a whole different way now than i did then. i feel like the needs of my spirit have changed in the last 6 months, and they are different now than they were back in september. but all this comes back to something so small, but so large all at the same time, and that is self-awareness.

self-awareness has become a big thing in my life. i've spent so much time trying to make others happy and meet their needs, that in the process, i'd forgotten how to meet my own. so i had to take 5 steps backward and just see what was going on with me, and it's forced me to look deep inside myself and figure out not just how i can meet my own needs, but what my own needs really are. and something i truly, truly need is intimacy. not sex, not so much love either, just intimacy. i can't describe what i mean by that, but when the moment comes, i know it. i can feel it. at times, i crave it, and it can be a bit much. but let's be real... intimacy is bigger than sex. it's bigger than love. its a spiritual connection between two willing, mature individuals. i know myself and my needs- or at least i have a really good idea- and i think it matters. because in the process of learning myself and what i need from myself, i've learned what i truly need from others. which is great. it allows me to set expectations for the people in my life, but on a more personal level, because i want them to understand me almost the same way i feel that i understand them. i'm rambling now, but such is... getting back on topic.

if you know your own spirit, you know your place in this world, at least for the moment. you understand your needs, wants, and requirements from self and others. and that alone is what separates the spiritually mature from the immature; the spiritually strong from the weak; that knowledge and awareness is what makes you human. but what you do with that knowledge... that's what makes you better.

that's enough. more later.
tomorrow's topic: spiritual completion: finding fulfillment in the universe.