just thoughts. :)

many assorted points for the day. so i'll start with the first one!

random wiki research!!!
•This Left Feels Right is a Bon Jovi studio album with new versions of Bon Jovi songs from previous albums. (this will be on the listening mono-party list. i promise you that.)
•USS Pamanset (AO-85) was a Escambia-class fleet oiler acquired by the U.S. Navy for use during World War II.
•Amantius (Amancius) (Italian: Amanzio) is a Roman cognomen. It can refer to several figures in Roman and early Christian history.
•Thomas Perry (born 1947) is an American mystery novelist, who received a 1983 Edgar Award from the Mystery Writers of America for Best First Novel.
•St Stanislaus' College (commonly known as Stannies) is a Roman Catholic, day and boarding school for boys, conducted by the Society of Saint Vincent de Paul's priests and brothers. It is located in Bathurst, a regional centre 200 km west of Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.

WOW! lots of really good randoms. those actually all make me very happy. that will be something to do tomorrow, definitely. next topic?

new (or new to me) music!!!
MGMT -- oracular spectacular. (oh my God. this album was completely amazing. favorite tracks being "the youth", "electric feel", and "kids". the singing was very beach boys-esque. it was pretty reasonable when it came down to simplicity, but the way it was all put together was astounding. masterly. simply masterly.)
LMFAO -- self titled. (if the cool kids, daft punk, and NERD could have their musical genes spliced and made into one egg, then impregnated by justice, LMFAO would be their love child. and i swear on my life up until now, i would love that bastard child as my own. as i currently do. favorite tracks being "i don't wanna be", "i'm in miami bitch", and "i am not a whore". and yes, they are all chock full of catchy lyrics.)
raphael saadiq -- the way i see it. (reeeeeeally broke up the listening trend as of late! it's a doo-wop inspired album. that era of music was very far from my favorite, but you know.. i have a little thing for the man, so i heard it out. and it was musically advanced. you feel the doo-wop all the way through, but it's still a very, very 21st century work. favorite tracks are as follows: "just one kiss", "staying in love", and "never give you up". i adore "never give you up". truly.)

umm... i have no sad love stories today. no questions, rants or remarks about it really.
i kinda just wanna talk about the sex i am not having.
the sex i need to have.
and that sex will be marvelous.
it will be fucking fantastic- literally and figuratively.
and i tell you what, if i don't get a morning round i might lose my entire mind.
last time i was with the person, we did some amazing things. i hope the person reads this so i can be provided with some morning love. yes, i do believe i could use some of that.
and that can go anyway the person wants it to. ;)

its late.. i'm going to turn on the itunes genie dj and let it sleep. g'night. :)

coast.

people ask me how i broke my ankle, and i feel like such an ass.
like... the story is actually quite simple.
i was at the park, and i decided to take my dog with me.
so i'm skating, having a good time,
and i guess my dog decided i was leaving her,
so she darted in front of my board.
i stepped off to keep from hitting her, but the board kept going,
and when i felt my body not really adjusting to the fall, i knew it was gonna be bad.
and i keep telling myself
"yea, you fell, but something had to give. i guess this time it was your ankle."
needless to say, this whole experience has been so indicative of my life.
or any life for that matter. but me?
i skate through life having fun, having a good time.
something darts in the mix,
and i step around it to keep from hurting whatever it is,
but the board keeps going... and my body isn't adjusting...
and i know the fall is going to be bad. i know it.
but something has to give.
some falls are a scraped knee.
you know, just on the surface, needs a band-aid and some neosporin. call it a day.
some falls are bruises.
hair bit deeper, last a little bit longer. call it a day.
...then there's the broken bones, pulled muscles, strained ligaments.
they hurt. they hurt so bad.
they can be immobilizing... demoralizing...
they feel like the end of the world.
and they take so much time to heal...
but they heal.
they all heal.
in time, they heal.
and when they heal, you get back on the board.
i'll heal.
i'm not sure when, but i'll heal.
i'll get back on the board.
isn't that the most important part.

this is for my (tomboy) ladies:

you know they love you. (by they, i mean the boys.) all your friends are them, all your family calls you one of em, every time you turn around you think you are one, or at least wonder why you think like one. they hold you down, and they build you up; they keep you sane, but they drive you mad... and you're great with it. you're all good for it. then you get older and you realize that being one of the guys was cool in high school. but now they want a girl, a wife, a woman, all the female things you're not used to. and then you have those feelings... those girl feelings. the ones that make you not one of the boys. and then you realize... you're always going to be one of the boys. they'll always see you that way. the ones that mean the most. they'll never see the woman you've blossomed into. they're never going to see you for the female that you are. and they will never see you for the full fledged woman you're going to become.

and maybe that isn't bad. because maybe they see you as one of the guys to set you higher than the rest of the girls. maybe even higher than the rest of the boys for that matter. but you don't have to challenge your sexuality, just your feelings. and theirs. its hard, and we all know its hard. call it a lady problem if you want to... but maybe we're the only ones that have it. and maybe we do need to let go to let them see. let them see who you are... who you really are. not just one of the guys. not just one of their guys. maybe we need to let go to let ourselves see who we really are.

and that's not just one of the guys.

{...no friends, no phones, no 2ways...}

my dude got me listenin to every single arrangement of "going in circles" that exists.
its a beautiful fucking piece. my major problem with pop music is no one ever wants it to NOT sound like the demo.
so it's never really owned, you know. its not really an arrangement, just like a "rendition"...
but that's fine. deep down, i just wanna feel the NOT loneliness that comes with that song.
(it'd be nice to NOT be layin here alone, but whatever.)
when i'm lonely, i listen to lonely person hits.
"after the love has gone", "going in circles", "cause i love you".
then that leads to new knockers
"we should be", "say it", "if i was your man".
all this to say, r&b is not for the emotionally charged.
i'm feeling new things with every song on my playlist.
but whatever... life is abt making due.
someone should write a song about THAT.

sweet escape.

i spend nights waiting for someone to take me away.
far, far away from here.
i know someone will take me there.
take me there without confusion.
we don't have to rush; we can take our time, its just us..
where we're going, the weather is always wonderful.
the temperature never goes too low or gets to hot.
it's always warm. every other day it rains, but who cares?
it's always light and refreshing. we need the water to survive.
there's always some entertainment, and it's not just my life...
i know someone will take me there.
smiles all around in this beautiful place.
flowers never die, pollen never bothers anyone.
there are no muddy waters, only clear and crisp.
the goodness is boundless, i tell you, i can only imagine.
no one complains, there is no disdain...
i know someone will take me there.
the moon rises and the sun falls,
and we see them both each time.
i can't wait for you to take me there.
didn't you know these clear skies were in your eyes?
this beautiful place, it is your face.
when will be the day that you come to take me away?
(the world may never know.)
so patiently i wait until the day you hold me close,
tell me that i mean the most,
look me in my eyes and say
"you and i are the only way."
the only way to live; the only way to be;
we are the only future we can see.
...and then i woke up, to find that you were just me.
the touch i felt, the things i saw
were all in my mind. my sub-conscious brain made me feel shock and awe.
but i am not us, and we are not me...
those are both plural, things i could never be.
so i guess i just have to continue to hope and pray
and wish for the day
that someone will come for me.

i spend nights waiting for someone to take me away.
far, far away from here.
i know someone will take me there.
but until then, i'll have to make due with just me.
the weather isn't ideal,
and the place is ever so close by.
so i close my eyes, hold myself tight,
and continue to hope for the night when someone will take me away...
far, far away from here.

ahh. it has been far too long.

apologies up front for being a bad host. i don't keep up with this the way i should.

someone that was once close to me (all that being said, i miss you) is an avid blogger, and thoroughly inspires my writing a lot of the time. truly. but today... i think he might have made me angry, passionate even. inspiration none the less, but damn. i'm mad.

"have some of you come to the realization that you may NOT get married. You may NOT find that lifetime partner to share errything with with? Shit sounds sad as fuck but it's a reality not many are willing to accept. Yes, its cool to be under 25, living the Party Life, but at the end if it, How does this reality make you feel? Like how does the thought of growing up with nobody to call your own strike you?"

that was great, absolutely. the last one is definitely the question you need to ask yourself when you decide if and/or when you do want to have a family, or the lack thereof. but then he said this...

"I do agree with Interim, as her and I talked about this situation, and how she doesn't want kids, nor does she want to get married. I can deal with one, but both, no. You can live with your 39 cats if you want. At LEAST a child should suffice. I'm not calling her lonely for the future, but some people rather take over your life forever, and not deal with the labels and documents and the "quarrels" that come with a marriage"

i do not want kids. i do not see myself in a happy relationship. i have kind of embraced that i'll be lonely for a vast majority, if not my entire life. and it is no way that i am going to have a freaking kid to curb that loneliness. i'm just not finna do that. i'm not anti-single parents, i'm just anti- ME being a single parent.

so maybe i am going to be alone forever. and maybe that's how my life is gonna be. but i heard ja'net du bois say on "good times": "yes, i am alone. but i'm never lonely, and i know the difference." ...i can resign to that. deep down... i think that's always what i wanted in the first place.

random wiki research!

colotini - a tribe of pierid butterflies in the subfamily Pierinae
penrhyn main line class - a class of three narrow gauge steam locomotives built for the Penrhyn Quarry Railway (PQR)
jeanne tsai - an Associate Professor of Psychology at Stanford University and director of the Culture and Emotion Lab (ooooh a good one!!!)
william j. johnson - (1821 - 1875) was a New York State businessman and politician

bored with this. and i hurt. sedatives.

hmm...

oh my God.
save me.
this pink boot is quite possibly ruining my life as of right now.
the first of many weekends in, at least until i get a walking boot.
i can't believe i have a cast on my leg. ugh.
i could really use a cigarette.
i can't write here, i need to get more personal.
maybe later...

update.

MY ANKLE IS BROKEN! way better than the sprain, cause i got a cast.
BUT, i might need surgery.
we'll find out in 2 weeks.
pray my strength. :)