ahh. it has been far too long.

apologies up front for being a bad host. i don't keep up with this the way i should.

someone that was once close to me (all that being said, i miss you) is an avid blogger, and thoroughly inspires my writing a lot of the time. truly. but today... i think he might have made me angry, passionate even. inspiration none the less, but damn. i'm mad.

"have some of you come to the realization that you may NOT get married. You may NOT find that lifetime partner to share errything with with? Shit sounds sad as fuck but it's a reality not many are willing to accept. Yes, its cool to be under 25, living the Party Life, but at the end if it, How does this reality make you feel? Like how does the thought of growing up with nobody to call your own strike you?"

that was great, absolutely. the last one is definitely the question you need to ask yourself when you decide if and/or when you do want to have a family, or the lack thereof. but then he said this...

"I do agree with Interim, as her and I talked about this situation, and how she doesn't want kids, nor does she want to get married. I can deal with one, but both, no. You can live with your 39 cats if you want. At LEAST a child should suffice. I'm not calling her lonely for the future, but some people rather take over your life forever, and not deal with the labels and documents and the "quarrels" that come with a marriage"

i do not want kids. i do not see myself in a happy relationship. i have kind of embraced that i'll be lonely for a vast majority, if not my entire life. and it is no way that i am going to have a freaking kid to curb that loneliness. i'm just not finna do that. i'm not anti-single parents, i'm just anti- ME being a single parent.

so maybe i am going to be alone forever. and maybe that's how my life is gonna be. but i heard ja'net du bois say on "good times": "yes, i am alone. but i'm never lonely, and i know the difference." ...i can resign to that. deep down... i think that's always what i wanted in the first place.