let the drunk type begin.

this'll probably take way longer than necessary to type w/ all the spelling and gramatical errors, but thank God i'm sover enough to use the spell check.

anyhoo, i'm drinking. and taking a few rips. hoping my parents will just leave me alone soon.

they're totally down with me moving in 2 months. which is AMAZING bc i need to get out. i shouldn't have to go sit on the front porch or hang out the window to smoke a bowl. i'll miss the front porch chillin, but its time i got my own space.

they hate me getting wasted here, but i'm sorry, i'm not gonna just leave when i wanna be at home.

at least i get wasted at home. and i don't have to worry abt getting arrested at home!

its stems and shit all around my room.

and caps.

and wine bottles. haha. must get beer tomorrow.

if hunger is the best spice, sadness is the best thirst quencher.

6. i don't take care of myself. i'm working on it.

introspection realizations.

introspection: n. Contemplation of one's own thoughts, feelings, and sensations; self-examination.

(what better way to examine my own thoughts than by writing them down and asking myself questions later?now, to get into the habit of doing this regularly..)

1. i don't blog enough. i'm lazy. no fronting on that. if i weren't so lazy and just that much more diligent, i'd be 40 times happier with myself.

2. i hate liars because they take my choices. can't stand the shit. who are you to take away my ability to do what's best for me?

3. 9 times outta 10, i don't want to make choices. i'm naturally indecisive. i want to do what's best for everyone else, but i wanna do what's best for me too... i just have a hard time deciding which is more important.

4. my priorities are as follows: 1. make everyone happy. 2. don't make anyone sad. 3. don't make yourself sad. 4. make yourself happy.

5. above priorities are great, but out of order.

good morrow!

1.First thing you wash in the shower? hair.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie? grey. :)
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? f-ck yes.
4. Do you plan outfits? i think abt them for special occaisions... but otherwise, no.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? little lonely.
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red? wine.
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having: i told alex. that was enough.
8. Did you meet anybody new today? nope. never left the house.
9. What are you craving right now? company.
10. Do you floss daily? nope. flossing hurts.
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? food.
12. Are you emotional? quite.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? nope.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick. it hurts my teeth otherwise.
15. Do you like your hair? most days.
16. Do you like yourself? see above.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? if he paid and he didn't poison me, yes.
18. What are you listening to right now? myself type and think.
19. Are your parents strict? to a fault.
20. Would you go sky diving? YES.
21. Do you like cottage cheese? major negative.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity? a few.
23. Do you rent movies often? negative. i have 50 movie channels, what for?
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in? of course. i'm a child. i like shiny shit.
25. How many countries have you visited? 5
26. Have you made a prank phone call? a few.
27. Ever been on a train? yes.
28. Brown or white eggs? neither. they're all nasty.
29. Do you have a cell-phone? definitely.
30. Do you use chap stick? i use lip balm.
31. Do you own a gun? no. wish i did though.
32. Can you use chop sticks? yes.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight? its me and vivi right now.
34. Are you too forgiving? far too forgiving.
35. Ever been in love? yea. a few times. i'm a lover. i probably always will be.
36. What is/are your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? hmmm... well... one's at home, stay-cationing, one's got a final, one's working all day like he always does, and one's working all day... like she always does. :)
37. Ever have cream puffs? nope.
38. Last time you cried? i can't remember, probably last weekend.
39. What was the last question you asked? i can't remember..
40. Favorite time of the year? fall. right after the summer's gone and it's just starting to get crispy out.
41. Do you have any tattoos? yepp.
42. Are you sarcastic? quite.
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? yes. that movie is trippy.
44. Ever walked into a wall? lls.
45. Favorite color? black, gray, pink... and musically, i love green.
46. Have you ever been slapped by someone? nope.
47. Is your hair curly? quite!
48. What was the last CD you bought? either wale or ledesi
49. Do looks matter? yes and no. yes because i'm superficial, no because if you met my standards we wouldn't be having this discussion.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? yes. i'm forgiving, and i have full faith in the fact that when people truly care, they put the needs of others ahead of their own.
51. Is your phone bill sky high? its pretty ridiculous.
52. Do you like your life right now? its awesome. finally falling into place. yepp... now to capitalize and not let things just pass me by while i sit idle.
53. Do you sleep with the TV on? yes. on purpose.
54. Can you handle the truth? not necessarily well, but i can always handle the truth better than i handle a lie.
55. Do you have good vision? aside from the need for weak reading glasses, yes.
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? i don't hate anyone. hate is love manifested through anger, and if i can't show you that i love you in any way other than anger, i want nothing to do with it or you... all that being said, i don't hate. i could care less.
57. How often do you talk on the phone? mmmmm depends.
58. The last person you held hands with? mmmm. km. and he held me too. it was like that. ;)
59. What are you wearing? pjs. its like... almost dawn.
60. Do you like being "tagged" in these type of things? enh. gives me something to do.
61. Where was your profile picture taken? in my old apt. i missssss living downtown.
62. Can you hula hoop? not eeeeven.
63. Do you have a job? yes! for the first time in a long time i can say i only have one job and it is freaking awesome.
64. What was the most recent thing you bought? a drink.
65. Have you ever crawled through a window? lol. :)

Love You from Afar
By Mastin Kipp

The pain of leaving you is hot
It burns like the fire of Hell
And feels like it will last forever
Oh your mirror is so clear
In you, I see myself
And I have for years
Now I must go on my way
Break free from the habits of our past
And embrace a new kind of strange
Reality, that of living from my center
Instead of living with you as my center
I am so happy for this time we've spent
Irritating the darkness within each other
And cleansing our lenses, so our light can shine
Even brighter
I will love you always in my heart
And my soul is always there
Like a bright shining star
But my presence, my friend
Will be at a distance indeed
But I'll still love you from afar

dear world: gimme some head.

and there it is:
sitting right here in front of my face.
i see it, ready to take off.
like a rocket, ready to venture into the universe.
but this is cape canaveral.
and if they say we can't go, we can't go.
no houston, we don't have a fucking problem.
why can't i just take off?
i don't wanna tell you how i feel, bc it might hurt your feelings.
but i just wanna take off.
i'd tell the world to suck my dick,
but they'd prolly enjoy it.
try and make their lipstick smear,
just so my girl could see it and ask me
"who's been down here?"
the world's just been blowing my cock,
and blocking my cock,
and won't let me take off.
it doesn't make sense how much i need to get it out,
and i don't wanna stand on these bricks of ill-understanding.
that shit is just compacted sand, and it melts in the heat.
but sand is useful.
burn it, and it makes glass.
press it, and it makes bricks.
two of the main things you need to build a house.
but this shit needs a good foundation.
so go press me some sand, and make me some bricks, world.
and after you do that,
go blow me some glass, world.
i'm finna take off world, i'll see you next year.
and when i see you again, i'm gonna put my dick back in your mouth,
and you better not let your lipstick smear.

note to world:

I have a deep love for aneasha. the unconditional kind. I know we're talking every day right now and its nothing but love. but if something were to happen and we never got to speak again, I'd still love her. prolly a bit more than most. no details, its too personal. but true none the less.

'tis all.