daily. [vol 1, iss. 2]

the goal as of late has been to not linger on negative things. letting things go has always been an issue for me... its time. and i'm putting it in writing because if i truly let it off, i'll be fine. but if i don't make it real and make it known how i feel and how i felt at those respective moments, i'll never be able to detach myself from the negative energy that those feelings bring. i'll start where it matters.

2007 was a shitty year, probably shittier than '08. thanks for the good memories. but... the betrayal, the belittling, the hurt feelings... they should be addressed. florida was wonderful, but florida was horrible. i had fun 1 day. one. i won't get into details, but i have to make myself let go of that trip. period. real friends don't do that.. any of that. there is so much more that i would love to tell you. each of you. but i will tuck that all away, close the door, and let go of that love. and though i forgive you, respectively, i'm definitely over it. thanks for the memories. and yes, i'm over it.

2008 was totally 808s and heartbreaks all around. if you weren't there for my birthday- the most important birthday i've ever had- or my opera- the most IMPORTANT thing i have ever done. EVER- i didn't forget. i didn't forget any of it. i accepted people's reasons but deep down they were all just excuses. all of them. because i was there for all of my friends. all of them, no matter what. if you have seen 27 dresses, i am that girl. i am "jane". period. i just hope that should anything significant ever happen to me, all the people i was once there for will all be there for me when i need it most. that opera was like my child, that was a huge thing for me, and no one was there. no one. not one. did i mention no one? no one! holy shit, all i wanted was 2 hours of your time. 2. dos. deux. due. i didn't know that was such a hassle... i put 16 weeks of my life into that... it was cats out here wanting me to go to their probates and whatnot, and they know they were on all semester and they wanted to be recognized for their decisions and choices. i was the same. i put my everything into something i'm planning on devoting at least a facet of my life to, for an entire semester. you could make it to a probate that you had to stand for 2.5 hours to barely see, but you couldn't make it to a chair that was free for vcu students and paid for if you weren't in a comfortably air conditioned auditorium? yea... thanks. thanks for not being there for the biggest moment of my entire life. shitty times. its a really lonely feeling to walk out to greet the crowds and see so few familiar faces. and thanks to ALL of you for contributing to that. there are so many other things... the disrespectful things that made me compromise my values to maintain relationships... i can't do that anymore. no more. so this is my final warning: i can't take it anymore, and if you hurt my feelings and i take a week away from you, that week will turn into our lifetime. and if you don't like it, blame the losers that made me never want to trust anyone again. and NO i will not go into detail about anything, because the people i'm talking to will know who they are...

but i digress.

in other news... i was out skating today (if you wanna call what i was doing skating), clearing my head. and things were going quite well! {update: for my 22nd birthday, i skipped town for the weekend. went to love in dc; hot times. got back to where i was staying, slept for like an hour, then got up, had a cigarette and another drink, and went outside to learn to skate. i had never stepped on a board before that day. "doesn't count until sunrise." and let me just say, there is absolutely nowhere else i would have rather been than in that moment, on the tennis court, standing on a board in the presence of one of the greatest individuals to ever grace my life. that moment was just symbolic of so many different things in so many different ways... ways that i will not elaborate on because that person already knows... but i digress.} i didn't fall a lot today. only twice, once wasn't too bad cause i never hit the ground but the second time... that was rough. i landed on my left side, so now they are even. {i busted my ass really hard sunday. pulled muscles, possibly a sprained right wrist- it still hurts to bend- and just overall body tenderness. ick.} but... i coasted!!! seemed like almost 25ft before i hit a rock and had to make a run for it. (rocks are death, i thought i was going to die.) and i know 25ft isn't far, but i coasted. and i've only been doing this for 3 days. so i wanna pat myself on the back some... but whatever. there's still tomorrow and i still need to get the hang of turning more before i lose what i learned. alex is a great source for tips, that guy should write a book on technique. "skateboard pedagogy: the art of teaching the board." (don't run with that, just give me tips. we're in a recession and i can't afford to pay royalties.)

i found my music books, they were next to my dunks. all these things are signs of things yet to come.

SONGS for the night:
corinne bailey rae - "breathless"
adele - "chasing pavement"
::^those brits sure do know how to speak to a girl's heart^::
and the ALBUM that goes in between...
kanye west - 808s
::yea, i'm cliche, so what.::

my spirit is lots more free. i can't wait til "the garden south of the nile" is more than hermes.
{free song for the person that can tell me what that means}